Why Gay Men Fail Themselves In Love

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“We’ve got this gift of love, but love is like a precious plant. You can’t just accept it and leave it in the cupboard or just think it’s going to get on by itself. You’ve got to keep watering it. You’ve got to really look after it and nurture it.” — John Lennon

It’s not easy finding your “soul mate” or the person you’d like to spend the rest of your life with. In fact, most people don’t ever just find one person to live out their days, they find several and several of them, that ultimately let them down. This seems to be a current problem for the gay community, especially in lieu of all the talks surrounding legalizing gay marriage. More than ever, the gay community is being pressured to find that special somebody to start a life with and have children. Like their straight counterparts, there is an almost unspoken expectation for the new generation of gay men and women to get married and participate in society as active members. But there is a dilemma, gay men can’t seem to stay grounded with another. And it has a lot less to do with sexual urges and more to do with the psychology of the gay man.

Let’s Identify The Problem

In order to come up with creative solutions for the great problem that seems to be arising within the gay community, we first have to solidify the problem. We now know that the issue is not that gay men are more “sexual” or prefer to be more “promiscuous,” instead it has to do with the childhood development of being gay.

Dr. Michael LaSala of Rutgers University has been exploring the roots of gay romantic love for over thirty years and his findings are quite surprising. Over the course of those thirty years, Dr. LaSala has observed and studied thousands of gay couples in his therapy sessions — through his observations he’s come to great conclusions.

For starters, the problem is not that gay men can’t find other gay men to fall in love with — the issue lies in maintaining that relationship long term. Dr. LaSala explains that gay men often experience self-defeating thoughts that sabotage their relationships. So what are these kinds of thoughts are preventing gay men from finding love and sustaining it?

Gay Men Unknowingly Believe They’re Unlovable

British psychoanalyst John Bowlby founded the attachment theory, which explains how we as babies attach ourselves to our primary caregivers. Bowlby went further with his research and begin including romantic relationships. Bowlby found that there were incredible similarities between our needs as infants from our caregivers and two people who are deeply in love.

So how does this relate to the childhood and tabulations that gay men have to endure growing up?

Attachment Theory Applied To Gay Children

Gay men who grew up before the 2000s were born into an era where the gay community had a stigma stuck on them. So much so, that they were often forced to fake who they truly are and hide everything romantic about themselves — in order to prevent harassment and even violence in some cases. This type of fear-induced self-loathing has an effect on a child, Dr. LaSala explains. It negatively impacts their sense of self worth and their ability to trust another being wholly and unconditionally.

Attachment theory comes into play when gay men, growing up feel a lack of appreciation or love from the male figures in their life. This sets up a mindset where they often fear, most times unconsciously, losing the love of other male figures.

Through Dr.LaSala’s extensive interviews of gay couples and individuals, he found that there is indeed a type of attachment theory, called anxious-attachment that takes root in some gay men’s minds. They may not even realize that they feel they aren’t worthy of love, but their behavior typically speak otherwise. More often than not, they try to control their partner or significant other’s behavior to make sure they stay connected and faithful to them.

This is called obsessive jealousy, where one partner fears the other will leave him so they try to cling on as hard as they can. Unfortunately, this often has the opposite effect and the brain reacts to this type of behavior as an attempt to be manipulated.

Solving The Anxious Attachment

It certainly isn’t easy to overcome a childhood experience such as being kicked out of your house or being physically assaulted for something you had no choice in. But the reality is, in order to find a partner, we gay men need to understand why we fight so hard to find love. Working in tandem, there comes an understanding that the best relationships are built on trust, not clinging onto something in fear of losing it like we may have experienced as children. A healthy relationship and perfect partner start with the belief that you’re worthy of love and affection. You should never have to fight or manipulate for it.

To Learn More About Love (References)

1. LaSala, M. (June 24, 2010) Coming Out, Coming Home: Helping Families Adjust to a Gay or Lesbian Child (Columbia University Press) http://www.amazon.com/Coming-Out-Home-Helping-Families/dp/0231143834%3FSubscriptionId%3DAKIAIRKJRCRZW3TANMSA%26tag%3Dpsychologytod-20%26linkCode%3Dxm2%26camp%3D2025%26creative%3D165953%26creativeASIN%3D0231143834 

2. Frayley, C. (June 13, 2014) Adult Attachment Theory and Research https://internal.psychology.illinois.edu/~rcfraley/attachment.htm 

3. Kirkpatrick, L. (March 1994) Attachment style, gender, and relationship stability. http://psycnet.apa.org/journals/psp/66/3/502/ 

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Shooting After Shooting, Stop The Ocean of Blood!

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As I woke up and made my morning cup of coffee (black of course) my attention was suddenly captured by what the television was saying. “Yet another school shooting! In a Honolulu Hawaii..” my face just dropped and I shook my head in disbelief yet affirmation for the expected. I can’t stand to listen to another school shooting or fatal “gun accident”.

Just a few weeks ago a retired Chief of Police in Florida shot a father of an infant straight in the chest as his wife threw her hand in front of his heart to protect him. The bullet went through her hand and into the young father’s hand; killing him.

Why would a well-respected and well-trained police leader kill someone in cold blood at a movie theatre? Because the young father was texting…his infant daughter.

You see the problem in this situation is not the actual gun, the police chief obviously had plenty of experience and training to carry a firearm. The problem is the place where the gun is and the person holding it. Details into the police chief’s mental status have not been revealed but from a psychological perspective I would say he had a serious issue of anger management. No one just pulls out a gun and shoots someone in the heart because they’re texting in a giant movie theatre. Dark feelings and dark thoughts lead to killing.

Try looking at it from this perspective: imagine a town where no one had mental illness or weapons. Sounds like Utopia doesn’t it? If everyone was perfectly sane and logical then there would be need for weapons. Now imagine if that town had no mental illness, no weapons, but had an infectious culture of violence.

Then it wouldn’t matter if you took out the weapons or the mental illness because the sheer force of enjoying violence begets violence. It truly is as simply worded as: violence begets violence.

We are constantly taught that we are what we think and what we believe. When I as an individual believe it is alright for a 12-year-old to play as a killer torturing and mutilating humans with his machine gun in a video game, then my thoughts are clearly reflected in the action of my blind eye. Ignoring the culture of violence that vehemently infects our minds and numbs our feelings to suffering is a slippery slope that has fallen one too many times. Every school shooting and movie theatre shooting has a root in violence because those people who held the guns that killed innocents, somehow, somewhere in their being thought that it was ok because they had seen it before.

A culture of violence is no more acceptable than a culture of evil, make a change, a small change, to move the ocean in the way. The change starts with your thoughts, catch yourself, be mindful of your cruelty, and the trickle effect will begin. The ocean of darkness will be cleansed of its blood and a new era of kindness can take root. If only we try, know, that it’s possible.

Why Professional Coaching is Necessary for Purposeful Life?

Great thoughts and an even greater read. For those of you thinking about receiving coaching, take a second, and read ahead for insights into what to do next 😉

markstrongnewyorklifecoach

Professional Coaching is of great importance for maximizing personal and professional potential of an individual who’s not confident in setting goals of their life. In this type of training, certain processes are involved so as to honor a person as an expert in his or her relevant field thereby developing creative and resourceful quality inside him or her. To develop such qualities, Professional Life Coach always stay ahead with helping hands and encourages client’s self discovery in every aspect of training process.6

The Professional Life Coach elicits solution and strategies generated by clients and stand aligns with the clients to achieve such target. The coaches offering professional coaching are highly qualified and well trained to customize, to observe and listening approach to an individual client requirement and offers innovative solutions to them for enhancement of skills, creativity and resources that clients already possess inside them.

Role Performed by Professional Life…

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10 Daily Habits of The Happiest Couples 

10 Daily Habits of The Happiest Couples

“Happy couples have different habits than unhappy couples. A habit is a discrete behavior that you do automatically and that takes little effort to maintain. It takes 21 days of daily repetition of a new a behavior to become a habit. So select one of the behaviors in the list above to do for 21 days and voila, it will become a habit.”

Simple but absolutely true list. Try your very best to follow at least SEVEN of the listed habits and let me know what you come to realize. It may be a challenge and you may even have to bite your tongue more times than you like but if that’s what it takes to make that special person happy, then it’s all worth it in the end. 

Love yourself and each other,

Luis R. Valadez

Can You Tell If Someone’s Lying? 

Can You Tell If Someone’s Lying?

I get asked this question quite a bit, “Can you tell if I’m lying?” and the honest answer is. Not quite in the way that you would think. As a behavioral psychologist I could utilize certain techniques in order to differentiate when you lie and when you tell the truth. That would have to be a deliberate plan and I would be doing it consciously. But if I’m not looking to analyze or discover your behavioral cues then nine times out of ten I cannot tell if you were a wolf disguised as sheep, even if all the sounds that you made were howls.

People who have a lot of optimism and trust easy, tend to simply give others the benefit of the doubt, thus the last thing that is on their mind’s is determining whether or not someone is telling a fib. So I tell you this, open up your heart, and have hope that your neighbor is as good as the person you strive to be.

 

Enjoy the beautiful day & each other, 

L.R.Valadez

Why do I continue to obsess on a woman that I don’t love, and in fact don’t want to be with?

Do you ever think of a past flame or what could have been? Perhaps you should listen to your heart strings a little closer.

Answer by Luis R. Valadez:

I understand where you are coming from with this feeling of almost unrequited love. You know she doesn't love you and you certainly don't love her yet you spend ample amounts of time thinking of her over and over again.

You see that is the beauty in things lost, no matter how much you know you don't need them and heck you're probably better off without them in your life. You still have this sensation of longing and hoping to see that lost thing one more time.

I believe in your case however, it is more than a longing and perhaps your intuition is really telling you something. But first you have to understand the mechanics of your intuition a bit more. Your intuition is a combination of your primal instincts such as being wary of dark corners and all your memories such as how you felt during a nasty experience. So you have this incredible bridge between the conscious and unconscious mind poking at you two years after you've parted ways with your past lover. Trying to relay to you that the incredible sex was much more and actually left an imprint on the chemistry you two shared.

My advice to you is this, you know what to do, go find that girl, and take a leap of faith. You would be surprised at the miraculous transformations people can undergo in two years. That once seemingly incompatible girl may be the strong and beautiful woman you're looking for now. Never ever turn a blinds eye to the possibility of something more. For in life, all we have is the relationships we create and instill within ourselves.

Best of luck friend, may this buzzing in your head lead you to grand happenings,
Luis R. Valadez

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How does one make their brain as clear as they possibily could?

Clearing your mind, simple steps, I believe you can do.

Answer by Luis R. Valadez:

Well you first have to understand a little bit on how our thoughts work within our brain. Imagine your thoughts are a raging river when your mind is chaotic. Your thoughts are constantly pumping with a fervor. But just like we cannot simply stop the river(Dams don't exist in your mind) we too can not stop our thoughts. The river will always move but what you can do is control the flow and direction of the river. Your thoughts can either flow into a negative stream or calmly trickle down the positive stream. Both options are completely within your control as long as you are aware of it.

Now let's move on to how you go about getting to the magical flow of the positive stream. My first advice would be to simply place yourself in a silent area, preferably outdoors in nature. A place where there is no eternal humdrum of noises, just your thoughts and awareness of them. Then the next step would be to engage in what we psychologists call "flow" activities. This is a state of mind where your attention and perception of time are completely absorbed by a usually physical activity. Constant exposure to this phenomenon calms the strength of the river and you're left with a sense of accomplishment and serenity.

The most advanced step of a clear and balanced mind is meditation. Contrary to popular belief, one actually thinks quite a bit when meditating. You are not empty headily sitting there, you are actively engaged and focused on a point or stream of thoughts. Similar to the flow sensation where you no longer feel time and have a sense of euphoria emitting from your being. Meditation not only provides a mental relief for your mind every day but builds your emotional resilience so that no one or thing can knock you off your feet.

Strive to use your newly balanced mind to ignite others as well. Best of luck.
"Do not allow others to pull you into their storm. Instead pull them into your peace." Buddha

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Is it shallow to love or want a relationship with someone who has a fun stimulating personality if they aren’t dependable?

Never turn down a chance for love. If you want it in your life, you must first let it's chariot in.

Answer by Luis R. Valadez:

It is absolutely more than ok! You would be surprised how an undependable young 20 year old can transform himself into an honorable father. Dependability is a skill not a fixed personality trait. If the chemistry is alive and he can be your best friend, then the dependability issue will slowly fade away as the two of you grow closer and the trust begins to mature.

You must judge others and your potential mates by the content of their character rather than circumstances. Circumstances will always change, the unbalanced becomes balanced, the shaky becomes stable, and the person you once thought as just fun becomes something that looks entirely different to you than the day before. You suddenly find yourself enamored and you can only see a beautiful person standing in front of you, no longer the undependable fling, but a person worth your time and heart.

Moral of the story, you never know what might be hiding on the shore. You'll only find a pearl if you go diving for it.

Best of luck friend,
Luis R. Valadez

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Is there a limit to one’s learning capacity?

Can our brains truly be limitless? I think you're gonna want to see this one.

Answer by Manan Shah:

There is no limit to one's learning capacity, due to an interesting and unique property of the brain known as neuroplasticity.

For thousands of years, the prevailing dogma in neuroscience was that the older one gets, the less one is able to learn and develop. "An old dog can't learn new tricks," was the common saying. By the time one reached adulthood, it was believed that the brain could not change in form or function. Such a mindset had profound ramifications – it lowered expectations of the value of rehabilitation for adults and the possibility of fixing the pathological wiring that underlies psychiatric diseases. It also devalued the principle of education for elders.

However, recent research in the past few years has proved this mindset false. In fact, the adult brain continues to retain impressive powers of neuroplasticity – that is, the ability to change its structure and function in relation to experience and different events. These are not small changes either, for instance if a stroke disables the motor cortex that moves the right arm, the brain is able to coax next-door regions to take over the function of the damaged area. In essence, the brain bears the footprints of the decisions we have made, the skills we have learned, and the actions we have taken.

Plasticity is a continuously adapting and evolving process, and our brains continue to constantly learn and take in new information. This information is consequently processed and forms new connections in the brain. Brain reorganization takes place by using mechanisms such as axonal sprouting, in which undamaged axons grow new nerve endings in order to reconnect neurons whose links were injured or severed. Undamaged axons may also be able to sprout new nerve endings and connect with other undamaged nerve cells, thus forming new neural pathways to accomplish a certain function.

When parts of the connection process become weak, a process known as synaptic pruning takes place to remove the old connections and strengthen the rest. Experience is the determining factor of which connections will be strengthened and which ones will be "pruned" – active connections will remain whereas those which are no longer active or receive signals will die through a process known as apoptosis.

Our brains never stop working, changing, adapting and reorganizing throughout our lifetime. Neuroplasticity is a never ending process – it makes up who we are from the day we are born until the day we die.

Sources:

[1] http://www.medterms.com/script/m…
[2] http://www.brainathlete.com/brai…
[3] http://www.time.com/time/magazin…

Hope this helps! Feel free to comment on this answer, A2A or PM me if there are any further questions, comments, or concerns.

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What can I start doing now that will help me a lot in about five years?

Answer by Dan Lowenthal:

Set just one new goal for each day, when you wake up, to take just one step forward in some direction that matters to you. This could be career, personal, academic, health, whatever. Just take one new step forward, in some direction, every single day. You will be surprised how fast the steps add up.

Don’t worry about what others are doing. “Success” is not one size fits all. Figure out what makes you happy, and then find a way to do it.

If you are “winning” big, it’s not all you; if you are “losing” big, its not all you. Embrace the fact that there is a ton of uncertainty in the world; you will never be in full control of your standing in life. For this reason, don't be too judgmental of others and don't be too hard on yourself.

Meet as many people as you can. Be an active member of communities, and groups, that are into the same stuff you are into. Learn from these communities, and contribute when you can.

Diversify your experiences. Try to experiment cheaply, frequently, and broadly. Every time you try something new, you will learn more about yourself and about the world. Any activity that is unlikely to severely harm you is worth trying once. If some activity intimidates you, then you should try it at least once.

Make it a habit to listen more than you talk. Listen to people that come from different countries and different backgrounds. Learn from them and their experiences.

Live below your means and invest. Figure out what truly matters to you, and don't waste money on stuff that you don't truly value. Learn to cook. If you can, bike to work or take public transportation. Pay off debt and invest your savings. Invest in yourself. I strongly recommend books written by William J. Bernstein and John C. Bogle. Other good reads include: The Richest Man in Babylon and The Greatest Salesman in The World.

Don’t chase "fast money". If someone tells you that they can get you incredible returns with low risk, RUN (away)! This is true not just for financial investments, but for life in general.

Find happiness in the process of accomplishing your dreams. Try to avoid living the “delayed life plan”.

Keep a healthy mind and body. Prioritize your life and health over your career. Without your health and happiness, nothing else really matters.

Don’t make elaborate plans for the distant future. Doing so is generally a waste of time and energy, since the future carries far too many unknowns. Set a general course, or direction, and then focus on the opportunities that are in front of you now.

Learn from the past, but do not get "stuck" focusing on the past. Every day, when you wake up, ask yourself: “What do I have now? What can I do with it?”.

It is not what the world can do for you; it is what you can do for the world.

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Increasing The Potential Of Your Brain

Cognitive Neuroscience: How can one increase the potential of one’s brain?

Potential seems to be a fixed quality, however you can certainly increase your brain’s ability to compute and generally put, function to it’s highest capability. I could give you a thousand and one ways to increase your learning, focus, speed computation, memory, all of which essentially boost the majority of your brain’s faculties. I’m going to focus on the most noticeable and effective techniques that will grow more than one areas of the brain.To grow your brain you first have to understand a little about it’s physiology. As humans we are essentially living with cave man bodies in a high tech world. The majority of our brain’s workings and faculties are quite old and have not evolved much since our great ancestors. That taken into consideration you must know that our brain responds very similarly to the way our ancestors brains did in common situations such as being scared or finding food. The tiger chasing after our ancestors activated the same flight or fight response that an angry boss yelling at us do today. That being said, your brain responds very well to simple almost archaic ways of thinking. This is where mindfulness comes into play and the very same reason your brain experiences neurogenesis (creation of new brain cells) when meditating.Try to think of how many times per day your mind wanders or you day dream. If you can’t count, then that probably means you are doing it all too often and your brain is suffering because of it. Like our ancestors our brain’s flourish when you are most present in the moment. Imagine if all of our ancestors when going to explore new lands were day dreaming and not paying attention to their surroundings and happenings. They would have gotten eaten or fallen of an edge, so the brain evolved for us to pay attention. So much so that our state of happiness and joy is affected by how present we are in the moment. The psychological world likes to call one of these most beneficial mindful brain activities, flow. Flow is when an athlete experiences no break in time or when an artist becomes completely immersed in a new painting. Increasing the amount of flow in your daily life will have wonders on your brain’s potential and computation. Being mindful of what you are doing is the precursor to flow, and this can be as easily as when you’re washing your hands just focus on the warm water, the feel of the soap, the look of your hands glistening as the water splashes off of them. It is all of those little moments that combined will grow your brain to an alpha male caveman.

Best of luck & don’t forget to pay attention.

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Worth: Do I have any?

“Now, if you know what you’re worth, then go out and get what you’re worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain’t where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain’t you. You’re better than that!” –Rocky Balboa

How many of you during a crisis or maybe at this exact moment, have blamed others or your “situation” for where you are today. Perhaps you’re not fit enough or you haven’t been promoted yet or quite simply you’re not happy . All these disappointments and failures eventually catch up to us and when we have to face them we run the other way with a slew of excuses.

I haven’t started exercising because I don’t have money for a gym membership. Excuses.

I haven’t finished my business proposal because I haven’t had enough time. Excuses.

I’m not happy because I haven’t met my perfect soul mate yet. Excuses.

You see, excuses by definition are arguments for faults and offenses, and when you argue for your faults you get to keep them. Further validating your inaction and proving the point that excuses are no good for growth nor happiness. Once you can stop and acknowledge the plethora of excuses you have been telling yourself for years you can challenge them and win the race. You don’t have to lose to your excuses, you have to gain the courage to go out and prove your worth. Don’t try to prove your worth to show someone you can do it or impress somebody you’re interested in, instead prove your worth to yourself. Prove to the big man sitting at his executive desk inside your head that YOU can do anything and that you believe in your worth. Because no one, not your dad, not your brother, not your best friend, is going to full heartedly know and believe in your worth more than yourself. Believe that you are valuable, behave like you are valuable, and go out into the world like you are valuable. Because in the grand scheme of things, it was that one man or woman that truly believed in their value and managed to change the world through their actions and belief.

If you have something that you have been putting off and making excuses for, stop, acknowledge that your life is your own and no one else is responsible for the workings within it but YOURSELF.

Start Learning And Stop Getting Distracted: Focus 

Start Learning And Stop Getting Distracted: Focus

One of the few tragedies of today’s times is the loss of attention and the constant humdrum of multitasking. I personally, have found myself sucked into this beast that knows no bounds. Over the past year however, I have been consciously fine tuning my ability to focus on the moment and on tasks. Breathing techniques have helped me sharpen my attention to the point where I can sit and focus on just my breathing without falling into the river of thoughts going through my head.

I highly recommend starting with small steps in fine tuning your focus. It is so much more simple than people even know all it takes is consistency and mindfulness. 

I’ll be writing an extensive article on the how-to’s and real life working techniques that transformed my seemingly chaotic mind into the well crafted stream of thoughts I operate in today. Stay tuned friends & remember to breathe often and remember to remember.

“Beginning toda…

“Beginning today, treat everyone you meet as if they were going to be dead by midnight. Extend to them all the care, kindness and understanding you can muster, and do it with no thought of any reward. Your life will never be the same again.” -Og Mandino

I’ve never heard this same practice anywhere else. Everyone has heard “Live your life as if you were going to die today” but to focus on someone other than yourself is quite profound. To look at an individual and think that they are breathing their last breathes is something that really makes you think hard about your life.  It makes you think what if you were they? Or how can I make this person who is nearing the end of their life any more comfortable? Compassion is truly felt unlike ever before, simply imagining the situation can bring you to tears and leave a lasting impression.

So like Og Mandino so brilliantly challenged us all, I ask YOU to take this into consideration, what if that colleague or homeless man sitting next to you at the bench was going to die by midnight, what kind words could you offer them? Take some time today to show the world kindness and it will show you it right back. For a smile begets a smile. Keeping smiling everyone. Keep kindness close by.

The Soul of Man Has Been Given Wings…” 

The Soul of Man Has Been Given Wings…”

The best pieces of art are the kind that can transcend time and affect humans universally. Charlie Chaplin had this rare gift, his words till this day still ring truth. The world still “has millions of despairing women and children” and ” Unnatural men, machine men, machine men with machine hearts.” The problems are the same, but the people, the people must be the reason and the solution to moving forward. To progress, of the human mind, spirit, and of our Earth. 

V Life Coaching: The Truth About Love No One Told You

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Why is it so difficult to not only find love but to stay in love? This ancient question has troubled millions of lives at any given moment throughout history. I believe this question is answered only and only if we are able to find ourselves and the other piece to ourselves. For you see, love is a direct reflection of yourself and the dignity that you hold yourself up to. Find yourself and you will have found the much alluded key that frees your heart.

Understanding love as a complex system instead of the magical feeling that sends one’s heart to Neverland is an important truth to life. In this truth that we call love, there are three comprehensive phases: Lust, attraction, and attachment.

• Lust – During this beginning phase of attraction or relationship the primary motivators controlling your behavior are Testosterone and Estrogen. Both being activated in every individual causing a type of cave man stupor searching for his wife. Physical attraction is strong and very apparent but will it progress pass just the pretty face?

• Attraction – This is the most talked about and romanticized phase, you see it in the Notebook, celebrities’ lavish yacht gifts for their new girlfriend, or getting that first tattoo you said you’d never get of their name . The times where you feel like yelling to the top of your lungs the name of your love into the Grand Canyon or jumping up and down at the mere sight of them when they surprise you with lunch at work. It’s most commonly known as the puppy love stage, the main culprits that cause loss of sleep or quite literally non-stop day dreaming of their face are the neurotransmitters, Dopamine, Norepinephrine, and Serotonin.

• Attachment (Romantic Love) – You are finally at the point in your relationship where you have learned to accept the flaws that cannot change and the virtues that makes them in your eyes glow that much brighter. This is where the “magic happens” and you begin to commit to one another. Eventually leading to building a family together and learning how to become one in two persons. The main drivers here are Oxytocin and Vasopressin.

Now let me tell you something you may or may not already know, love is not a seamless flowing river of phases. Actually, there is nothing quite truly “smooth sailing” about falling in love and remaining in love. Love is a wondrous mountain valley, filled with vibrant hues, but just ahead lies a plethora of jagged rocks. There will be many arguments, disagreements, hurt feelings, but at the end of the day, in your final hours, you will have said it was all worth it. Because that person that you give your heart to is part of you now. You two psychologically consider yourselves part of the other in behavior, appearance, beliefs, and aspirations. So the reason you may get angry or upset with your significant other when they change or do something that goes against your ideals, is due to the fact that your brain treats them the same way as if it were you committing the action. That is the reason that when someone experiences a break up they quite literally feel as if their heart has ripped in two. People are left feeling like part of themselves has died a tragic death.

Sounds like a big risk and an even bigger disaster waiting to happen, doesn’t it? But if, and only if, you can manage to stay afloat through the tumultuous storms that occur from time to time in the relationship, you will have created your most valuable possession. So valuable that men have and will willingly give their lives to let the other live. So valuable that you would rather sacrifice half of your one cookie in the world just so the other can experience your joy.  So valuable that you would rather take any pain into your body than watch the love of your life suffer. You see, when you fall in love it’s work, it is, but love becomes part of you. And you’re left with this almost surreal sense that everything is ok and life is just as you imagined. Meaningful, beautiful, and alive is what you begin to experience and continue to experience throughout the bad times and adversity that plagues everyone’s lives. You’re left with this enchanted safety blanket against the roaring waves of life and you begin to see exactly why it is that love is so crucial to human beings. Love is the perpetually flowing life to our engines and as the incredible Dr.Seuss so truthfully put it,

” You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”

Human Rights, Silence Behind Closed Doors?

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The atrocities that were committed by the Nazi party during WWII were the ignition that brought life to the fight for human rights; The fight for equality. A concept that every living human being should have and has the right to, but recent times have proven this fight is further from over than the evil in man’s heart’s expiration date.

Since WWII the United Nations General Assembly wrote and put into effect the Universal Declaration of Human Rights in Paris, 1948. This assured that the crimes against humanity would never send a ripple through the world again like with the Holocaust.

Unfortunately with ever changing tides, the once protected sanctity of the human life has been tarnished once again. Human trafficking is now the second highest grossing and criminal empire only being beat by the drug trade. This monstrous face that we call human trafficking hides behind closed doors and leaders who do not find it fit for their time. Most would say these individuals are forgotten and left behind.

I believe in something different, this human trade is far from being forgotten and even further from being left alone. It’s time for change and it will come — the same light that guided the courageous slaves of America to freedom, will shine upon this tainted rebirth of slavery across the world. The great Dr. Martin Luther King once proclaimed, “Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about the things that matter.”

Defining human rights has always been a complex affair due to ever changing different world views and customs. I believe there is a certain element in life that every man, woman, and child is entitled to regardless of social norms; Dignity. Human life is sacred and the dignity of man is the foundation of a moral vision for society.

When innocent people start losing their sense of self worth, it is a direct reflection of the moral decay in ourselves at large. If and when we feel the burning passion of humanity, that is when we should act. Not through violence or revenge, for violence only begets violence, but through the sharing of this flame that we feel so strongly within us; Together, we can move mountains. It may seem discouraging to stand up to a world that has little faith in what few can do, so I look to the wise Robert Kennedy to reassure me that we can,

“Few will have the greatness to bend history itself, but each of us can work to change a small portion of events. It is from numberless diverse acts of courage and belief that human history is shaped. Each time a man stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope, and crossing each other from a million different centers of energy and daring those ripples build a current which can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and resistance.”

Really stop and think about the indignations occurring right now in the world, think about the ones closest to you, what can you do? Share your prayers for the suffering, share your hope for the suffering, or simply tweet your reignited faith for your humanity. For your humans. For our humans.

Change

Take some time this weekend to stop and reflect on what you can give to others. Giving is one essential piece of the pie that is happiness. Related articles Nothing will ever change if you continue to tell yourself the same old stories (jamesneed2.wordpress.com) If I could change Anything…… (dietsnomas.wordpress.com) Change Starts Within Ourselves. (yourpoweriswithin.wordpress.com) … Continue reading

V Life Coaching: Fulfillment, Where To Find Mine

V-depression

A large majority of people go through out their entire lives feeling as if something is missing. More money, more vacations, more pleasure, or maybe more happiness, all of which lead to this feeling of half-full. All these answers seem to make others happy but does it make you feel complete and fulfilled?

There is a very special group of people who have to go through the tribulations of mental disorders but for the majority of the human population, that is not the case. A large amount of people often confuse their empty feeling with depression and anxiety disorders but the truth of the matter is, that is not the root. Finding the root is one of the most sought out mysteries of today’s endeavors by psychologists and philosophers. You can find thousands upon thousands of related research or medicine that seems to cure this emptiness. Unfortunately the majority of the solutions are only half-baked. They offer a temporary and situational relief from the pains and agony that haunt your everyday lives. That’s exactly it though, it is sadly, ever so temporary. Doctors will more often than not prescribe anyone who is looking for mental relief, an anti-depressant or similarly related drug. Now there is no denying that there is a group of people with real neuro-chemical imbalances that are so severe that it exhibits signs of cognitive degradation. That very small group of people on this Earth are positively affected and improve with the help of antidepressants. Unfortunately, for the majority of individuals who are searching for some ease to their worries, do not truly require medication.

Think of it this way, imagine you are building the tallest skyscraper (your mind) in the world, but you’re stuck trying to fix the foundation which contains several cracks in it (your anxiety or problems). Now how do you fill the cracks to your foundation? A popular solution is to simply cover the cracks with pieces of cardboard, although it is not permanent it looks covered and appears  fixed. Similarly antidepressants mask the cracks in your foundation, appearing as if you’re “better” and all of a sudden “fixed”. But we both know you can’t realistically build a skyscraper on a half-baked covering of your cracks. No, the building will come tumbling in on itself! Instead you need to fill in the cracks with cement that will not falter and then only then can you truly build a skyscraper where the sky is the limit. You can have a stable and fulfilled foundation that allows you to evolve into a better image of yourself than the day before.

The cement that fills you was created from a special mixture of ingredients in your life: passion, hope, joy, and security. Do you truly know what you’re passionate about? I’m not talking about what you’re good at or what you find easy to do but what moves you. The activity that moves your spirit when you think of it, when you feel it, when you see someone else doing it, that is your passion. When your passion becomes uncovered you can experience hope, a deep desire for positive outcome. And when you know your future is brighter than the rising sun, then you can feel true joy. Finding not only big events in your life as pleasurable but finding the minute by minute experiences of everyday life beautiful. And finally when you can see the once invisible golden tone that beautiful activities and people emit, a profound sense of security will come over you. For when you feel the raging passion inside you, see beauty in mundane occurrences, and witness the irrefutable success that awaits in your future, you find comfort. Comfort that everything is going to be ok, that no matter how much debt you have, no matter how wobbly or insecure your foundation may have been yesterday, today is going to be ok. And so will tomorrow, and the day after that, and the week after that, everything is going to be ok. Feel secure, my friend, for a life waiting to be Fulfilled awaits you tomorrow if only you try to fill in the cracks once.